Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
