I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
