I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
