Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
