this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
