How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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