If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
