using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
