now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize