Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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