DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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