Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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