I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
