shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
