I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
