You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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