Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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