I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
