forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
