I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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