I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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