i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
