Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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