idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize