Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
