if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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