weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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