Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
