Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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