my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
