I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
