I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
