its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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