I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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