What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
