I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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