we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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