Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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