Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
