you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
