It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
