I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize