by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
