Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
