a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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