bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
