this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
