Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
