...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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