he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
