We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
