I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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