I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize