im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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