You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
