Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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