I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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