it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
