I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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