Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
