Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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