Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
