I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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