I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
