I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
