I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
