please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
