I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
