I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
