Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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