You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
