pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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